All About Boys: The Teacher Hates Me

Believe it or not, another reason boys fail a class is because, yes you have heard it “The teacher hates me” or “I hate the teacher”.  And as parents we say things like, “It doesn’t matter if the teacher likes you, you need to pass the class.”  But guess what folks, it does matter even to boys if the teacher likes them.

Research supports that relationship in classroom settings matter to boys just as much if not more than it does for girls.  Boys tend to base their ability to do well in a class if they feel liked or appreciated from the teacher.

“Secure, supportive student-teacher relationships are linked with a variety of beneficial effects, and these extend beyond preschool.” – (See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/student-teacher-relationships.html#sthash.UKWIigMq.dpuf)

Relationship Matters

Student-teacher relationships have been studied for years.  Students benefit from supportive teachers and male students strive on this type of relationship to be successful in class.  Boys are at times, sensitive to relationship.  Boys who have great relationships with teachers seem to have better overall classroom behavior, less stress and are able to cope better with other children in the class.

“Then there is the evidence from long-term studies. Kids who experience high quality student-teacher relationships in the early years have fewer behavior problems. They show more engagement in the classroom (Hamre and Piata 2001; Rudasill et al 2010; Wu et al 2010; Hughes et al 2012), and better performance, too: Studies of verbal skills have found that positive student-teacher relationships have modest, positive effects on early language development (Spilt et al 2015; Schmitt et al 2012; Maldonado-Carreño and Votruba-Drzal 2011)” – See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/student-teacher-relationships.html#sthash.UKWIigMq.dpuf

What boys look for in a teacher?

Researchers looked into what particular personality or characteristics boys tend to need from teachers:

  1. Reach out, often improvising measures to meet a particular student’s need.
  2. Demonstrate mastery of their subjects.
  3. Maintain admirable standards.
  4. Respond to a student’s personal interest or talent.
  5. Share a common interest with a student
  6. Share a common characteristic with a student.
  7. Accommodate a measure of opposition.
  8. Reveal vulnerability.

(Reichert & Hawley, 2013) http://www.jcsd.k12.or.us/sites/jcsd.k12.or.us/files/files/relationships%20play%20primary%20role%20in%20boys’%20learning.pdf

Helping them to Connect

So, parents, hopefully by now you realize that it does matter if his teacher likes him.  Students who find themselves in this situation really need help to reconnect to their teacher before we can even think about them passing the class.

Tips to help them reconnect:

Encourage your son to have a talk with his or her teacher about their feelings.  You may need to be present if your child feels they will not be heard by their teachers.  Their feelings are real and we want to validate them by our presence.

Help your son to identify the reasons behind his feelings and how he can resolve them to move forward in the class.

Help your son to listen to any concerns the teacher might have that about your son’s behavior that has impacted their teacher-student relationship.  Problem solve together solutions to move forward. www.livesinthebalance.org

Help your son identify his areas of weakness in the course ex. Quiz grades or homework and develop a plan with the teacher to get help in those areas.

Praise your son for being able to move past his feelings and accomplish the work in the course. Continue to monitor his progress in class as the relationship with his teacher improves.

I encourage you to have a powerful, peaceful parenting experience with your child each and every day.

Until Next Session,
Dr. Stacy